That Twenty Twelfth

And so when the clock ticks later, bye bye 2012.

I personally called 2012 my mourning year. It starts good.. especially the gateaway to Cameron Highland with him and friends. Got to know new friends and all that. But soon to be wrecked down as soon as I found out whats been happening while I wasn’t in the same room. Or even taking a glance at the phone, or not even caring to check the messages or email. Trust. A word played so easily.

I then recalled my tuition teacher once said; “Enjoy life pretty little girl. Coz life wouldn’t stay as crazy as you thought once it started.” I never gotta know what it meant.

Until this year.

And grandpa once said; “Life starts… when u learnt to trust but to be betrayed instead; When u be loyal but someone dishonesty tear you down. When you put in everything regardless your own feelings but to be ignored and unappreciated, and especially when you lost someone you dearly love.”

I was scared. Or simply in denial of what he said. But towards the end of this year.. I realised he’d been reminding me the harshest truth of life.

And yes, my life has just begun!

It was April, for the first time, I chase a person. Bought a ticket. Finds out truth. Break down and cried. Staying intact. Being left alone for a month contactless. Then, Trying to forget. Forgiving. Moving on.. but at the same time still putting high hopes that things would change, that feelings would still be the same, that butterfly will still fly around in the stomach.

With all that happening and striving hard to gain the broken trust alive again..

Then, It was May, I was awarded a scholarship after 2years of difficulty without allowance, except the money given from my parents. Which I believed you all may know how much that meant for a student like me.

October came, my beloved grandpa passed away. Again, I was left alone. In the most extreme time that I needed a person to hear me out; but.. my housemate packed and ready to move out. I gathered my strength. With all the broken pieces and still standing strong smiling at what passes my world.

Then, December came, how this year flies away so fast. So so fast. The trip to Port Dickson marked the 3rd yr in my current relationship.

Grandpa’s words rings by my ears.. “You never know how strong you are until you’ve been hurt.”

Well then there, I hope this mourning year pass away and will never come back! I wish for a happy new year.

A change.

A new beginning!!

Respect!

“I can be hurt, only by people I respect.” – Mary Balogh, Then comes seduction)

“Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners” ― Laurence Sterne

“Sounds naive respecting someone who doesn’t give a shit about you.”  ― Toba Beta, Master of Stupidity

“Respect is a two-way street, if you want to get it, you’ve got to give it.” ― R. G. Risch

“I have found that there are two ways of dealing with men. Either you treat them with respect, or you kill them. Anything in between merely breeds resentment and the desire for revenge.” (especially shown once they cheated on you-but no worries, karma is a bitch)

Long Distance Relationship

“Distance makes the heart grows fonder..” they say..

I say, Depends.

Not if the partner does not shows effort to communicate. Because, in the distance, the only way to make sure that you both are not far apart and still loving and remembering each other is by constantly communicating. Comes what may, but you will still be checking up on each other. As we aren’t living in the ice age anymore.

There’s facebook, there’s email, there’s whatsapp, there’s viber, there’s skype, there’s phone; sms or calling is just 1 click away. So, whats stopping you? Unless, for one reason: YOU DONT FEEL THE URGE THAT YOU HAVE TO. or simply; YOU DONT WANT TO.

Action speaks louder than words! Abide by the time zone differences, you would stays awake til late, just to make sure your timing suits each other. You wait from the day your other half’s flight flew and gone away to their destination. Then, You wait for the announcement of their arrival.

You wait for their call.

Atleast, an sms.

You wait another day, for the other half to text you with his or her new number. You wait for a facebook text. You wait for an email. You wait for Skype video call. You wait.. and You wait.

Wait.

Wait….

And still waiting…

BUT, on the other hand, the person does NOT makes an effort to do so. You will receives none. Leaving you feeling frustrated. Mad and ignored. Left out. Unwanted. Not needed. Being taken for granted. And that You waiting.. unappreciated!

The gap of not communicating will succumbs under the excuses and millions reasons. A proverb said, “when there’s a will, there’s always a way.” In this case, that person certainly do not want to keep contacting you frequently. Just accept the fact that, the person didnt even care about you waiting, dont even see the needs to spend atleast 2hrs of their 24hrs with whatever-stands-by-their-side at that distance further from you. Clearly highlighting; “If you want to, theres a million ways to do. If you don’t want it at all, theres a gazillion reasons to not.”

Well again, Distance; It does not, makes the heart grows fonder. It encourages hatredness. Negativity. Less and less of romance. Deduced feeling of love. Letting bygones be bygones.  Unable to talk about what angered you because of the lack of communication.

All in all, you ends with a wounded heart, scarred and dead.

When it hurts..

The world seemed to pause, listening to the broken pieces of your heart crashes on the floor. Like a beggar, waiting  for that one hand who helps willingly. A smile that brought peace to the heart.

“Oooh.. Cant nobody do it like you..” – Tamia(I’m officially missing you)

Pray for Gaza

Friends in the social networks been posting up their statuses about praying for Gaza, Palestine. Hear and says about the Israelis are killing babies and kids of the Palestinians. That they are doing this in order to prevent the Palestinians kids in memorising the holy Quran??

I seriously and honestly dont know if thats true but those very heartbreaking pictures were also being posted and circulated around the media.

Amongst all, I like this picture of a man holding the poster (as I re-uploaded here), I think he speaks his heart out loud. Poor him right?

Who does he wishes to hear that? You? Me? Anyone?

I wondered why nobody is doing anything about this? How can the Israelis so freely attack the Palestinians for years and years and yearsssssss? What are they actually up to?

How long more.. will the people of Palestines suffer?

What more could they possibly lose?

Well, do take a moment with me to pray for them in Gaza.

That the Lord will gives them fair chance in life just as how we all are getting it. and with hopes that some humanitarian action will be taken place upon what happened. Aaameen~

[10:89] And Moses said, ‘Our Lord, Thou hast bestowed upon Pharaoh and his chiefs embellishment and wealth in the present life, with the result, our Lord, that they are leading men astray from Thy path. Our Lord! destroy their riches and attack their hearts — and they are not going to believe until they see the grievous punishment.’ – (Yunos, The Quran)